How to get your child a US passport in 111 easy steps

So Stella's Mami is thinking about applying for Stella's US passport. Since I went through this with Small Boy back in April, I thought I'd put together a handy little step-by-step guide.

First, just for fun, let's look at how to get a Swiss passport for your child born in Switzerland to one Swiss parent and one American parent:

1. Give birth to the Small Boy.
2. Hospital files birth records with appropriate Swiss authorities.
3. Call the Gemeindeschreiberei (basically, Town Hall) to ask what is required to get a passport.
4. Get passport photos taken.
5. Think Small Boy looks a lot like Winston Churchill with gas in these photos.
6. Decide I don’t care that Small Boy looks a lot like Winston Churchill with gas.
7. Pay 20 Swiss Francs for Swiss passport photos.
8. Walk to the Gemeindeschreiberei (this is still back in Small Village) and say “Hi, I’d like to request a passport for my son. His name is Small Boy.”
9. Watch as the woman working there brings up a record on her computer and prints it out.
10. Woman asks, “Is this information correct?”
11. Read form.
12. Say yes.
13. Sign form.
14. Hand over one picture of Small Boy looking like Winston Churchill with gas.
15. Woman asks, “Would you like to get his national ID card at the same time?”
16. Say yes.
17. Pay 135 SFR cash for the passport and the national ID card.
18. Two weeks later receive passport and national ID card via registered mail.

Now let's look at how to get an American passport for your child born in Switzerland to one American parent and one Swiss parent.

1. Give birth to the Small Boy.
2. Hospital files birth records with appropriate Swiss authorities.
3. U.S. embassy does not care about appropriate Swiss authorities.
4. Go on line and read information about how to report the birth abroad of a child to a U.S. citizen and how to obtain a U.S. passport for said child.
5. Request “Extract of the Birth Registry Issued in Pursuance of the Convention signed at Vienna on September 8, 1976” because the Swiss documents are not good enough for the U.S. embassy.
6. Pay 26 Swiss Francs for “Extract of the Birth Registry Issued in Pursuance of the Convention signed at Vienna on September 8, 1976”
7. Find marriage certificate.
8. Thank God that you got married in the United States and not in Switzerland. If you had gotten married in Switzerland you would have to order (and pay for) the “Extract for the Marriage Registry Issued in Pursuance of the Convention signed at Vienna on September 8, 1976.”
9. Find U.S. passport of American parent.
10. Find Swiss passport of Swiss parent.
11. Print out application DS-11, available from the embassy’s website.
12. Read instructions for application DS-11 and realize you also need form FS-579/SS-5.
13. Return to embassy website.
14. There is no PDF file or other link to Form FS-579/SS-5
15. Google Form FS-579/SS-5
16. Still can’t find any computer accessible version of form FS-579/SS-5
17. Make list of questions I have for the embassy.
18. Call U.S. embassy citizen services to request Form FS-579/SS-5 and to clarify other issues that are not quite clear.
19. Ah! I see. We get Form FS-579/SS-5 at the embassy and fill it out there. They will register the child while we wait.
20. Wonder why that piece of very useful information wasn’t on the website, because it clears up some other issues, but then move on.
21. Ask two other questions.
22. Get off phone.
23. Complete, but as instructed do not sign, Form DS-11.
24. Find school attendance records and other documentation that will prove that not only am I a U.S. citizen but that I also meet the physical presence requirement of not less than five years in the United States or its outlying possessions, at least two of which were after attaining the age of fourteen, and that therefore I am allowed to pass on my citizenship to my son.
25. Wonder briefly how many people can’t find this sort of evidence, but then move on.
26. Re-read list of documents necessary to register birth and obtain passport and double check that I have them all.
27. Okay. I have them all.
28. Ask husband when he can take a day off of work, because in order to get the passport all three of us have to appear at the embassy in person. Unless my husband wants to submit a notarized statement in English giving unequivocal and unconditional consent to passport issuance for the child?
29. Vote for appearing in person.
30. Decide what day we can do this. By the way, it has to be a Wednesday, because the embassy only takes appointments on Wednesdays from 9:00 am to 11:30 am. All other days it’s a first come first serve basis and you have to wait and there is no guarantee you will be served. Yeah, sure, I want to wait at the embassy, with no guarantee of service, with a 10 week old child. Please. Sounds fun.
31. Call embassy to make appointment.
32. Woman on phone asks when I would like to come in.
33. Mention the Wednesday in question.
34. She says okay, what time.
35. Say 10:30.
36. Woman on phone says “Oh no, that is much too late, you need to be here by 9:30 at the latest.”
37. Say okay, 9:30 then.
38. Wonder why she asked me when I wanted to come in if she was just going to assign me a time anyway.
39. Get two passport photos that are 5 by 5 cm without frame with a head size from chin to top of head of 25mm minimum and 35 mm maximum, set against a white, plain background with no other people or object in the frame.
40. Ever try doing that with a 10 week old baby?
41. Admire creativity of photographer who takes photo of son alone against a plain white backdrop with no other people or object in the frame.
42. Notice that Small Boy has spit bubbles in the U.S passport photos.
43. Decide I don’t care that Small Boy has spit bubbles in his U.S. passport photos.
44. Pay 29 Francs for U.S. passport photos.
45. Get home and look at passport photos. Is his head too large?
46. Measure son’s head in passport photos. Whew, it’s okay.
47. Go on embassy website to triple check that we have all the documents.
48. WTF?? Now the website says I need Form DS-2029/SS-5. What the hell is Form DS-2029/SS-5 and what happened to Form FS-579/SS-5? And how did they possibly change the rules on me in the ten days since the last time I looked at the website?
49. Download Form DS-2029/SS-5.
50. Fill out, but do not sign, Form DS-2029/SS-5.
51. Make sure the sudden appearance of previously unknown Form DS-2029/SS-5 is the only curveball the embassy is throwing my way.
52. Notice that the fees have gone up, but nothing else appears to have changed.
53. Decide I have done as much as any human being can do to ensure I have everything we need to get Small Boy a U.S. passport.
54. Measure son’s head size in U.S. passport photos again.
55. Call embassy to confirm our appointment.
56. Take Small Boy in stroller on one train and one tram in order to get to U.S. embassy.
57. Bring – in addition to the Small Boy – “Extract of the Birth Registry Issued in Pursuance of the Convention signed at Vienna on September 8, 1976,” completed but unsigned Form DS-11,the new and exciting Form DS-2029/SS-5, my U.S. passport, my husband’s Swiss passport, our marriage certificate, my school records, two passport photos (with spit bubbles), cash and credit card.
58. Arrive at embassy at 9:15 for our 9:30 appointment.
59. Get admitted to the embassy and assigned Number 4.
60. Why are they assigning me a number if I have an appointment?
61. Why did we make an appointment if we just get assigned a number?
62. Whatever.
63. Wait for number 4 to get called, which, to their credit, is pretty much right away.
64. Hand over completed but not signed Form DS-2029/SS-5.
65. Consular official asks for documents to prove the physical presence requirement
66. Hand over 2 inch stack of school records and other documents.
67. Return to waiting area.
68. My name is called.
69. It seems I filled out Form DS-2029/SS-5 incorrectly. Months must be spelled out in full; the numerical abbreviations are unacceptable.
70. Correct Form DS-2029/SS-5.
71. Return new corrected Form DS-2029/SS-5 to the consular official.
72. Return to waiting area.
73. My name is called again.
74. It seems I filled out Form DS-2029/SS-5 incorrectly again. Where is says “U.S. address” I must write in my U.S. address – not “NONE” – even though I have lived in Switzerland for four years and HAVE NO U.S. ADDRESS! Hello! That’s why the Small Boy was born abroad in the first place!
75. Argue with consular official for a few minutes.
76. Realize that pissing off the consular official who holds Small Boy’s fate in the balance is probably not a good idea.
77. Concede the point and fill in last known U.S. address.
78. Return to the waiting area.
79. My name is called again.
80. It seems they cannot accommodate umlauts. Small Boy’s last name uses an umlaut. We have to decide what umlaut-free spelling we want.
81. Change the spelling to the new umlaut-free version.
82. Return to waiting area again.
83. My name is called again.
84. Everything finally seems to be in order - I can go pay now.
85. Go to the cashier’s desk.
86. Pay 176.40 Swiss Francs (up from 162).
87. Ask for receipt.
88. Am told we get the receipt after they process the documents.
89. Um, don’t we need to show the document processing people the receipt to prove we paid already?
90. Apparently not.
91. Return to waiting room. I now have no documents and no receipt.
92. My name is called.
93. We may now sign Form DS-2029/SS-5 and Form DS-11 in the presence of a consular official.
94. We can have the Consular Report of Birth issued while we wait or have it mailed to us.
95. Decide to wait the additional ten minutes to get the Consular Report of Birth.
96. Get Consular Report of Birth.
97. This is a very cool looking document.
98. One hour and twenty minutes after arriving, we leave the embassy with the Consular Report of Birth and the promise that the passport should arrive within the next two weeks. No word on how long the social security card will take.
99. One week later Small Boy’s passport arrives in the mail. In the regular mail. In a plain old envelope. Um, wouldn’t you at least want to send that registered? Security, people!
100. One month later Small Boy’s social security card arrives in the mail. In the regular mail. Um, again…
101. Sheeesh.
102. Vow next child will be born in the territorial U.S.
103. But post-partum care in Switzerland is so much better than post-partum care in the U.S.
104. And my OB/GYN here ROCKS!
105. Wonder if it would be possible next time to go into labor and deliver on U.S. embassy property, which is, under the strictest letter of the law, U.S. territory.
106. Remember that I was in labor for 17 hours with the Small Boy.
107. Figure the embassy would never let me stay there that long.
108. And they probably wouldn’t let in my German OB/GYN.
109. Have I mentioned my OB/GYN rocks?
110. And I bet they don’t have Epidural Guy.
111. Damn.