My grace is gone
I need to learn to handle days like this more gracefully. When I see where the day is headed, which was downhill faster than Bode "It's Miller Time" Miller, why can't I just accept it? Why do I insist on persisting in the hope that it will turn around somehow? It's so much more frustrating that way, to hold on to the delusion that I can somehow turn it around and salvage something out of the day, than simply to accept the day for what it is. A day when Small Boy is cutting two teeth. A day when Small Boy woke up too many times the night before (see teeth, cutting) and is tired and cranky. As am I. A day when the naps are illusions, mirages. A day in which he will grate on my every last nerve, when every glance at the clock produces the instant arithmatic of the hours, the minutes, the very seconds until his bedtime. A day in which it will be impossible to do anything but be with him and do what he wants. I need to learn to give in rather than fight these days. To be his mom more patiently, to sooth him with a more generous heart.
He's asleep now.
The apartment is quiet, R. is still in miltary service.
I'm going to go find my grace.
4 Comments:
I just re-found your blog after bookmarking it a while back. I think I'll add it to my blogroll if that's ok? Dh works for the large food company in CH, and it seems we might have some things in common.
I hear you out there - and know just how you are feeling. HH is now 2.4 years old and is pushing each and every button as often as his little fingers allow. I just try to remember that this time will pass, and soon he will be grown and will never need me the way he does right now ... I try to savor it all - experience it - but I get so frustrated sometimes I think I'll go nuts - and I too loose my temper then hate myself for it ... It's a human experience all of this and we humans are frail creatures.
When grace is nowhere to be found, chocolate can make for an acceptable substitute...
Lynette, I'd be honored to be on your blogroll. My I return the favor?
Richard, I know what you mean about remembering that one day he won't need me like this, about holding on to this time. In my mind I can already see him going off into the world, the very thing I want for him but dreaded nonetheless, and I take a deep breath and counsel patience. But they push your buttons, don't they? Sigh.
And Phantom, my grace was in fact hiding at the bottom of a bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cupi Minis - but I dig it out. Grace, you can run but you cannot hide!
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