Other People's Children

Remember Rock Boy? He's moved on to less destructive projectiles - handfuls of wet sand - but apparantly he's still got a thing for throwing stuff at my windows. What's with that? I honestly cannot think of anything I've done to give the kid reason for having it in for me and my windows - aside from yelling at him the first time he threw stuff at my windows - but he's drawn to our floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the play area like the proverbial moth. Granted, they do present an almost irresistable target for a bored seven-year-old, and Rock Boy seems to me to be a test-his-limits-and-see-what-he-can-get-away-with type, but you'd think he'd have learned the first time that I, as it happens, am a walk-over-to-your-apartment-and-rat-you-out-to-your-parents type. Which I did, and his mom made him come over here and wash the windows. He also apologized and shook my hand. Go Neighbor Mom!

I'm uncomfortable discussing another child's behavior with their parents, especially because it means I have to cross the language and cultural barrier in an area - Other People's Children (OPC) - that is ripe for opportunities for misunderstanding and offense taken, but I do it. For eggregious breaches of conduct like throwing things at my windows, I do it. I've seen him doing other things that I wouldn't necessarily want to see Small Boy doing, things that I've simply observed from our balcony but that didn't affect me or mine (putting rocks in the neighbors' fountain, picking a flower from their beautiful garden), and not said anything; but when it comes to my home and my kid, I'll absolutely go to the parents about it. If there are no parents around, I will under a limited set of circumstances discipline OPC. Limited meaning if I think they're messing unduly - I know kids rough-house and I'm learning to stand back and watch for a lot longer than I used to - with Small Boy or if it looks like somebody, anybody, is actually getting hurt or is about to do something dangerous. (A different neighbor boy used to sneak out of our backyard play area and cut through the yard behind us which led him to a street. If I ever saw him starting to make a break for it I'd call his name and tell him to stop, and he usually did - or my calling his name made his mom come running.)

I actually don't know the cultural standard on stepping in with OPC here - or in the US, for that matter. I'm not sure what's expected or accepted. (Neighbor Mom - a Swiss - was glad I came over and said something. She was inside with the younger child, the older boy was playing outside, and you just can't see everything and she said it's good for Rock Boy to know other people are watching him too.) I try to do what I'd like to see done if the situation were reversed- if Small Boy ever threw rocks at somebody's apartment I'd want to hear about it and have the opportunity to make Alex apologize, do the responsible thing (clean up, pay for or work off damages), and learn something. So I go by instinct, even when it means I have to go over to Neighbor Mom and say "Um, I need Rock Boy for about five minutes. He needs to clean my windows."

What do you do when you see OPC crossing the line?