Random bullets of spiraling out of control
- Small Boy woke up at 5.11 am today.
- Yesterday and the day before he woke at 06.00.
- Sunday the 10th he woke at 05.45 and Friday the 8th at 05.30.
- Saturday the 2nd, Sunday the 3rd, and Monday the 4th he woke at 05.00.
- This pattern runs back into November.
- His idea of sleeping late is 07.00 - that happened on Monday the 11th and, um, a couple of days back on vacation (that would be October) when R slept with him.
- I burst into tears three times in three separate public places today.
- I feel it is no longer safe for me to drive; fortunately our city life basically makes driving a non-necessity. I can even get to The Farm by train.
- Sometimes, if I have to cross tram tracks with the stroller, I am not sure it is even safe for me to walk.
- I tried to buy a few groceries and couldn't remember the pin-code to my EC card (a cash card).
- It's a wonder I remember my own name.
- Sleep deprivation is physically painful.
- I have not been well since Small Boy was born.
- He won't sleep.
- I have to wonder if I will ever be well again.
- Short of running away from home.
- Which crosses my mind far more than I care to admit.
4 Comments:
As a mother of a three month old who i breastfeed every three hours and a two year old who also wakes up a few times every night, I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
This too shall pass.
Do you have anyone who could watch over Small Boy while you get a nap in? Or some time to yourself to do something you enjoy?
Melanie - ah yes, I fed Small Boy constantly during the night too. He was over one year old before I put my foot down and said no more three am feeding! We weaned at 18 months - sometimes I have mixed feelings about that, but I had no choice, really.
Trish - medically speaking I honestly don't think it's ppd, just serious sleep deprivation. Which sometimes doesn't seem to be much of a distinction, does it?
GL - the problem is that early morning wake up. Once I'm up that early there is just no recovering from it! (He did spend all of yesterday at the Grandparents' which was lovely.) I've been trying to leave you a comment but having trouble with blogger beta so if you read this check out American Citizens Abroad for info about your question...
I'll never get back that lost sleep.
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