Eurovision. Vote for the drag queen!

In my world, Eurovision is all about the snark. If you can't make fun of people's costumes, songs, dance moves and hair styles, what's the point? So I'm watching Eurovision - Boy is asleep and R is in the Army again - snarking to myself. Just thought I'd share. Though I guess for any of this to make any sense you had to be there. I doubt I'll be able to stay awake for all 28 contestants , but we'll see how far I get.

Bulgaria - Just because you can hit that note, doesn't mean you should. Points for singing in what I can only assume was Bulgarian, though.

Israel - Political controversy aside this has to be the oddest looking rag tag motley crew you could possibly put together.

Cyprus - Hm, I must be off my game because I really should be able to snark silver lame.

Belarus - You just know his line in a bar would be: "Hellooooo, ladies. How you doin'?" And dude, just because you want to hit that note, doesn't mean you can.

Iceland - Oh yeah, the rock ballad. Excellent.

Georgia - Your dancers got a little Lord of the Dance thing going on there. Oh, now there's swordplay. And flames. It's getting a little frentic back there.

Montenegro - I wish I understood Montenegran.

Brief interlude for the two really good looking commentators to try to parlay this Eurovision gig into Fame and Fortune.

Switzerland - I never understood the whole DJ Bobo thing. I still don't. But that blond chick has got a voice on her. By the way, 50,000 Swiss, mostly associated with the Evangelical Volkspartei, signed a petition protesting the use of this song to represent Switzerland because of the whole Vampire thing (vampires being not very Godly and all).

Moldova - I'm waiting for her to whip that hip wrap thing off somehow. Huh. It stayed on. Didn't see that coming.

Another brief interlude. Twirl, Finnish boy, twirl!

The Netherlands - Good voice, powerful stage presence, good looking, a touch of the diva. Honey, what are you doing in the Netherlands?

Albania - Albania, you border on the Adriatic. Your shores are mostly mountainous and your main export is...oh, wait, sorry. Wrong show. Okay. Albania. Melo, meet drama.

Denmark - Oh, three snaps for you honey! Love you! If I stay awake to the end, I'm totally voting for you, you big drag queen!

Croatia - Please please please sing in Croatian. Then I can close my eyes and pretend it's Goran Visnjic. And one would have to close one's eyes.

Poland - If the singing thing doens't work out there's always porn. (They're actually pretty good but the boots and the cage are really distracting.)

Serbia - Damn it's hard to snark when they're actually good. Can I make fun of her white shoes with black pants?

The Czech Republic - Hey, isn't that the Icelandic guy? (But hard rock in Czech is totally cool.)

Portugal - Remember Strictly Ballroom?

FYR Macedonia - I got nothin'

Norway - Could that skirt be any shorter? Huh? Costume change? Ah, she needed to change into that longer dress so the dancer could rip her skirt off.

Malta - Hellllloooooo, bare chested violin player. How you doin'? Was there a song? I missed it. Did I mention there was a bare-chested violin player?

Andorra - I am totally going to get up and pogo to this. It's kind of like Fountains of Wayne meets Chumbawumba. I pogo-ed to Chumbawumba at my wedding. There's a picture.

Hungary - The blues. Ballsy move, for a Hungarian chick. Though I guess if anybody can sing the blues, it would be a Hungarian.

Five more countries. I can do it. Must. stay. awake. Vote. for. drag queen.

Estonia - The wind machine's going a little strong, I'm afraid she's going to topple over.

Belgium - Oh. My. Circa 1979? Oh dear. I'm waiting for the squares on the floor to light up when he taps them. I'm feeling something, but I don't think it's the Love Power. Nope. Nope, definitely not the Love Power.

Slovenia - What is she wearing? What is she doing? No, no, no. Stop. Just stop, dear. That light thing is wierd. Stop it.

Turkey - It's a Turkish Ricky Martin!

Just two more. Try. to. stay. awake.

Austria - Dude, did you borrow that shirt from the Cypriot chick?

Latvia - Are the Latvians singing in Italian?

And. It's. OVER! Fourteen finalists will perform on Saturday for the Eurovision championship. I'm not staying up to find out who they are, I'll read about it tomorrow. But I voted for Denmark.