Sunday, February 17, 2008

Retail therapy

I didn't want to do it; I've been putting it off. But I still don't fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes and as part of my effort to face the post-partum depression head-on I simply cannot go schlumping about in maternity clothes any longer. I am not naive enough to think that a new outfit and jeans that fit properly are the solution to my problems - post-partum depression is real and serious and cannot be solved with retail therapy and a hot bath - but it is a tiny piece of the puzzle. Catching a glimpse of my reflection and thinking "I can't believe I'm walking around looking like this." Dissatisfaction with the way I look. Mild embarrassment over wearing the same five (maternity) shirts over and over. It's certainly not the root cause of the problem, but it doesn't help.

So yesterday R took the boys on a stroller nap and I went shopping. I dread shopping. My size has crept up over the years and I have a hard time accepting that I am no longer twenty-five with a body that made guys walk across the bar and say "come dance with me." Or hang around taking forever to dance with me even though I thought I was sending out all sorts of hey-come-dance-with-me smiles (yeah, I'm talking about you , R!). And clothes in Switzerland are just expensive, and I'm hoping that I will, eventually, lose at least some of the baby weight; I hate to spend that kind of money on something I plant to shrink myself out of. But it had to be done. I'm not going to let the Paxil do all the heavy lifting; that's why I'm back to seeing Dr. FeelGood regularly, it's why R has found a few hours in his schedule to take Boychen during the week (on days Small Boy is at The Farm or with the Tagesmutter) so that I am completely child-free for an hour and a half, and it's why I'm forcing myself into social situations. And it's why I went shopping. The result? Four tops, a necklace, and one pair of jeans that actually fits.

It's a little thing, but it is nice to feel like I look...good.

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9 Comments:

At 18:23 , Blogger Betsy said...

Hope you found something nice and that you're feeling better!

 
At 20:46 , Blogger BrooklynGirl said...

That sounds fabulous. Good for you!

 
At 23:34 , Blogger Choco Pie said...

You have to do little things like that for yourself--it is really important. You have to carve out some space for yourself (time and resources) very, very early.

The problem is that some of us deny ourselves our own lives while the babies are tiny, but then it becomes a habit for everyone in the family to just assume that Mom is always available, always on call. Later, it's hard to get free of those expectations, even when the kids get bigger and should really be giving you some space.

Not that I know anything about that, of course. Of course.

 
At 23:59 , Blogger a/k/a Nadine said...

I'm glad you got out and bought yourself some nice things!

Are you watching the Tour of California?

 
At 03:58 , Blogger Maria said...

Never underestimate the power of retail therapy. I had my own post-partum trip, and when the pants started falling off, I was on top of the world! Good luck!

 
At 16:06 , Blogger jo(e) said...

Having some clothes that fit you properly isn't some kind of decadent luxury: it's a simple necessity of life. So good for you for getting out and getting yourself some!

 
At 19:36 , Blogger swissmiss said...

Betsy and Brooklyn Girl - thanks!

Sandra - very true and a big problem I have, carving out time for myself. I really need to work on that.

Nadine - not getting Tour of CA coverage over here. I only know Cancellara's leading because he's Swiss.

Maria - I hope one day these pants fall off of me. Biggest size I've ever had to buy :-(

jo(e) - right on.

And the wardrobe situation must have been worse than I thought, because each of the past three mornings as I came down stairs in a new shirt Small Boy has greeted me with "Wow! You look pretty."

Cute! (and perhaps a bit alarming.)

 
At 17:17 , Blogger christine said...

Don´t feel bad. I just got out of materity jeans myself. They were really cute--nice style so I gave them to a girl here who is in her
6th month and she gave them back! She said they were "too long" which is a polite way of saying I´m not as fat a cow as you are when pregnant. I can´t believe I was still wearing them last month! It´s such a relief to inch my way back into normal clothes.

 
At 17:19 , Blogger christine said...

Sorry I was signed in under the family blog. I lead a double life.

 

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